What a guy!

I don't care about the article so much, but David J. Bradley just seems like an awfully nice guy. And if he thinks he's a rock star for doing what he did, more power to him.

That Can't Be Right, Can It?

Cashier: I think my dog eats Odwalla bars!
Me: Oh no!
Cashier: I think that's what she told me, anyway.
Me: (realizing she must have meant and/or said "daughter", and/or be crazy) Hm.
Cashier: She likes the Luna Bars, though.
Me: Well, see ya!

uh oh

i think i'm going to be really lonely when this work ends

What Are You Doing Here?

Shouldn't you be seeing Lost in Translation?

Sigh

The last time I was up this late at night was a lot more fun.

Confidence in High Speed

Working on this project, with all these great people, seems to have kicked me up into high gear again. I'm working as fast as I can, which is markedly different from my attitude at my last several employers. I hope I can carry this rapidity on and use it to accomplish things I need to get done. I'm not just talking about the laundry here, although that is standing in the way of a lot of other things, literally and figuratively.

Simpsons Quotes To Live By

Homer: I've been working on a plan. During the exam, I'll hide under some coats, and hope that somehow everything will work out.

That's just Outrageous

On ebay, people are selling Red Sox playoff tickets for -- get this! -- $600 for a pair of tickets. In the grandstand. That's not cool.

Blog Writing Style #107

A multitextured aura of disrespect pervades this weblog on another fair September evening, while, in the living room, the avocado leaves slowly enlarge, each knowing full-well that its only purpose is to serve the greater processes set in force aeons ago; to capture sunlight itself (can there be a more noble mission?), and then, after such a lofty goal has been accomplished, to wither and die, becoming nothing more than fertilizer for the next round of leaves. And the next. And the next.

Avocado = life = death.

And I, enraptured by the azure glow of a computer monitor... can I say that my mission here is any less or more lofty?



Yeah. Pretty much.

Ninaaaa Las Vegas!

I'll admit it: I have a crush on award-winning NPR Legal Affairs Correspondent Nina Totenberg. Whenever I hear her informed (yet dulcet) tones on my radio, I swoon, at least a little. Her intelligent reportage has educated me countless times. I almost feel like I'm at the Supreme Court at times. I particularly enjoy her re-enactments of oral arguments; it's not like she's doing impressions of the justices, but it's close.

But, damn! She ugly!

What's Wrong With Me?

I want a pet squirrel. The ones that run around in my yard are so cute. I know, so close to the furry snake. Also, if I'm spending time in my day watching squirrels run around, what is that saying? But, seriously -- have you taken the time to watch them gambol and cavort? Maybe I want to be a squirrel.

This post is over.

Well, You Caught Me

YOU HAVE BREAST IMPLANTS!!!


what's YOUR deepest secret?
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Hey, Comments. Where You At?

I wish I had moveabletype.

Ugliest. Stamp. Ever.

Love that Sol Lewitt

Click

Sol LeWitt: Wall Drawing #132

Good interactive exhibit about Sol LeWitt and the wall drawings.

I like it, I just don't necessarily remember it

That title actually sums up just about everything about me. But what I want to talk about today is how people are always quoting Homestar Runner to me, and how I can never remember it enough to quote it back to them. "Uh, something about some icy cold drinks?" "Then Strongbad says something, I don't remember, but it was funny." and the like.

I Shouldn't Be This Happy About Eating Animals

Thanks to the internet, I found a place in Portland where I can get some ribs! Now I just have to go there!

How Do It Know?

Dear Microwave,

How did you get so smart? I'm not just talking about spinning a carousel, I'm talking about asking me how many pieces of pizza I'm reheating. It's things like this that make me appreciate you. Thanks again,

Matt

PS. You are hot.

Fwd: Fw: Re: Funny

So I met all these people in Europe, right? And we all exchanged email addresses and so forth, like people do these days. But what I hadn't counted on was ending up on people's lists to get forwarded jokes. I thought we'd all been through that by now. I mean, I enjoy the occasional picture of a parrot, don't get me wrong. But knowing how to say I Love You in 25 languages (including the American South ("Nice Ass, Get In the Truck"))? No thanks.

Prune?

I think I'm at the point in the new avocado's growth where the book I've been consulting (see below) would recommend that I prune it back. But I so don't want to cut all the leaves off my awesome plant! What to do, what to do?

Namaste, mehra nahm Matthew

So apparently a lot of work on this project I've been working on for the last 6 weeks will be going straight to... drumroll please... INDIA! Indian develops at some company called TaTa! (Snicker!) I don't know how that makes me feel, since in all actuality I still have plenty to do. In fact, maybe more, since I have to really carefully document everything now. And those Hindi lessons are taking up a big chunk of time, too! On the other hand the project is incredibly behind schedule, so much so that adding more people may not help at all.

And on the third hand, I'm also getting to work with a whole bunch of people from JuniorNet again! Which makes me happier than... well, pretty happy. The great thing is that we'll be in a conference call with the company's CEO (he's a dick), and whenever I start to worry that I'll end up doing something stupid that makes no sense, due to his misguided idea of priorities, one of the J2 people will speak up and clarify things in exactly the right way, steering us back on course. Sometimes it's me doing that, and I can hear the approval in the voices of the other J2 people. Always good!

But, seriously, I'm going to be so busy over the next week, it's not even funny.

ACK!

[radio edit]

I Wish Don Shula Would Quit Following Me

Ever since I ate at one of his steak houses way back in January, his name has come up so much in the media. I just saw an absurd ad for ESPN that talked about his excellence at coaching Dolphins and steak. And to think I didn't know who he was when I ate his steak! I still have yet to join his 48 oz. club, though. Maybe one day. I'd like to imagine a crazy cross-country trip where I visit all 16 locations. Who's with me?

other olas

There's Motorola
Rock-Ola, of course
E'OLA (some kind of scam artists)
accessola (for all of your ontario library association needs)
Ola Onabule, heartfelt world musician of some sort
British Folk Trio Ola (they're Young Folk Award 2000 finalists, you know)
Virginia to Russia travel agents, yoshkar-ola (actually a really funny website; here's a quote:You are looking for the best rates for the plane tickets? You would like to meet your lady in a romantic and exotic place? You would like to make a pleasant and comfortable trip to Russia?)
Oly-Ola, Landscape Edgings and Paver Restraints

This Week's Puzzler

This morning I wanted to listen to Car Talk in my room, where the only appliance I have for audio (uh, we call those things radios) is a clock radio that must be 18 years old. Usually the radio is tuned to whatever weird AM station I can find, and, despite its little quirks, the radio works fine. So imagine my surprise when I switched to FM and started trying to find the NPR station -- wherever I turned the dial, all I heard was an Ella Fitzgerald song... she was on 88.1 just as much as she was on 106.9, statickily [sic] crooning about lost love. It would be a really good scene in a creepy movie, I thought at the time. Then I shook the radio and things seemed to work after that.

Wow

Looking for a recipe is one thing.

But finding a recipe and then having no idea where to find most of the ingredients... wow.

Also, I don't think I want to eat smething that looks like this:


Back to square one.

When In Doubt, Throw It Out

I don't know much about hummus, but I'm pretty sure it's not supposed to be carbonated.

Damn. I had been looking forward to that hummus for months now!

Say, There's Something I've Always Been Wondering....

Really? Frequently Asked Question?

How Arrr We Doing?

It's time to meet the real me:

Mad Sam Rackham!

Personality:
Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. You have the good fortune of having a good name, since Rackham (pronounced RACKem, not rack-ham) is one of the coolest sounding surnames for a pirate. Arr!

Or so this test would have you believe. Oops, I mean, 'Arrr! Shiver me internet!'

Honestly, very little of that personality is even about personality. It's more about words than -- OHHHH!

Eating Disorder?

I think I have the same problem.

Hmm. But.

This doesn't help explain how I could actually win a game in 20 minutes. I would say it's never been done before. And certainly not since.

And When I Woke Up...

So this morning I'm sleeping peacefully, minding my own business. Suddenly I seem to be dreaming about some sort of ringing, possibly a far-off phone. Lightning-quick, I come to! 'Ah-ha!', I exclaim, my cat-like reflexes taking over. 'A guy from the oil company was coming today! He must be calling to tell me he's arrived!' So I hurriedly put on some clothes (see below for shirt choice) and go and let this guy in. Of course, while I'm at the front door looking for him, he's at the back door looking for me. After a few minutes of this vaudeville routine we get it all sorted out, and he goes down to work in the basement (where, for all I know, he still is).

So, then, awakened from my slumber much earlier than usual (8 o'clock -- tough life!), I do something that I've only dreamed about up until now: I go back to sleep! It felt more like a nap than actual sleep, but the point is I couldn't tell you anything about the second half of Regis, or any of the Travel Secrets of Las Vegas.

Funniest Junk Email Ever

Subject: I have $2,000
Body: President George Bush has $ 4 you

That's it. That's the whole thing.

CHARMER

Here are the latest results of wearing this shirt:


One old woman smiled at me.
Two cute girls said they liked my shirt.
One middle-aged woman told me it took a lot of guts to wear a shirt like that.
Two people at the bus stop talked about me after I walked by.

I'll post an update if I ever wear it again.

It Changes Things

When I knew that absolutely nobody but me would ever stumble upon this weblog, I didn't really think so much about what I was putting up. But now, for whatever stupid reason, I feel the pressure to
a) write longer posts
b) have some deep truth embedded in every paragraph
c) spell and punctuate correctly

I think I'll try and ignore all of those pressures (except punctuation: I heart diacritics!)

Ten Days in the Life of an Avocado

9/7/03	9/9/03	9/11/03	9/12/03	9/14/03	9/15/03	9/17/03

Just Some Things

Things I Haven't Got

Mint
Mink
Swamp
Smiles
Slimfast

Things I Have Got

Smirk
Lint
Milk

Dammit

Is it so much to ask to want comments to work for posts? Can anyone help me make them work?

Am I Famous Now?

Wow! I've been linked to! By my urine-sampled, sworn-to-secrecy, video-editin' ex-girlfriend, no less!

Donde?

Out of the 20 or so cardboard boxes still left in my new apartment, I'd really like to find one particular set of photos. If you asked me where most things were, I could go to a box and show you that thing. But for some reason I don't have a clue about these photos. It's very frustrating. I might actually have to continue unpacking!

Squaw-hoo!

Cutting and pasting for my own benefit now! Awesome comments! Everyone leave me lots of comments! Except please refer to them as 'feedback items for your interest/consideration/betterment', please.

Update: apparently comments don't work for me.

-snip- "I have" -snip- "trees". -snip-

I'm too tired to post something coherent, but the point I'd like to get across is that I'm tired of multimedia developing. Yes, even editing audio files for $50/hour. Especially at 1 in the morning. It's all so pointless. Ah, the ennui of the multimedia developer, fabled in story and song!

Niacin Poisoning?

Can a person get sick from eating too many carrots?

What about baby carrots?

On My TV

Right now, people are playing for $1,000,000,000.00... That's 28,955,056,332.01 CZK, for all my Czech readers!

Also, a chimpanzee is somehow involved in this endeavor. More later.

And Also

8. That I'll just spend too much time messing with my template and never write anything.

Here are some reasons I shouldn't have a blog:

1. Everyone has already done it. What can I bring that hasn't been done before?
2. I think my style will be too pretentious.
3. I'm too flighty: my obsession of the day (i.e., avocadoes) could be quickly abandoned, and then this will be just another orphaned blog.
4. I might not update it for days at a time -- is it like Pikachu? Will it become angry at me if I don't give it constant attention?
5. I don't know where to draw the line between interesting stuff that people might want to read and my innermost thoughts and stuff.
6. I like to be flexible and appear different to different people; will putting stuff down in print force me to stick with one version of the story? (Hmm. That may be a reason to have a blog.)
7. I want it to be funny!