They Said It Couldn't Be Done!

I just acheived the impossible: driving to and from Ithaca and not encountering any precipitation. I've even upped the ante this year by driving an extra hundred miles. This is a feat that will never be repeated.

Poor Girl

Yesterday, me, my sister Molly, and my cousins volunteered at a local soup kitchen to help with lunch. My cousin needed some community service credit, and he had come to the right place, since Molly knows a thing or two about it.

As soon as we got there, we started getting bossed around by an eleven-year-old girl. My sister soon made an enemy; before long they were giving each-other mean looks and stuff. But eventually, I won the girl over and we became friends. It started when I was spooning out fruit salad and she was hawking cookies. So since we were standing next to each-other we started talking. She was very funny... but clearly the teen years were going to be an "adventurous" (read: dangerous) time for her. She was a classic wild and troubled teen-in-training. She would do almost anything to get my attention, she had some wild mood swings just in the short time we were there, etc. She had already been to something like four elementary schools and two middle schools, and her family life seemed... unfortunate. Also she told us a funny [?] story about how in elementary school she got suspended for stealing food from the cafeteria.

Well, best of luck, kid.

Even If The Record Skips, I Still Rip

I cannot stop listening to Postive Contact by Del[tron 3030]. Usually his voice annoys the hell out of me, but this song is amazing. Let's review: Del song; DJed by Kid Koala; on a Dan The Automator mix cd. How could I say no?

Great Stuff

Everybody loves eavesdropping!

Obligatory Return O' The King Remark

I'm pretty sure that Aragon's (Viggo Mortenson) horse was named Viggo! I think he hunkily yells that at one point, between a battle and another battle. Can the internet back me up on this theory?

This Seems Familiar

Last night when I was taking off my pants, my belt totally broke. That is depressing, but a good retort to everyone who says I'm skinny!

Also on a practical note, now I have no belt. That belt may have been my oldest item of clothing (except for the great t-shirt from when I was born [more on that later]).

Oh. My. God.

My stepfather seems to be practicing his bagpipe in the next room. Either that, or he has the worst cellphone ring ever.

I have to leave.

Coming soon: some Penultimate Saturday blog posts, perhaps.

Wow

Best referral ever: "Rackem breast"

The internet is very big.

Get High. Get Stupid. Get a New Commercial Already!

Apparently time stands still in Ithaca. The radio station is still playing the exact same PSAs as when I worked there, 8 long years ago. Come on, people. We don't still need to be warned that "Cabbage Patch Dolls Can Kill", do we?

Dude, Where's My Orchard?

On my way home today, I stopped "on the way" at the old alma mater, Hampshire College. Imagine my utter shock when I saw that crazy building instead of the lovely, gnarled old apple trees that used to be there. Very sad. But I guess anything to keep the ship afloat.

Avocado Update

Three of the avocadoes that have sprouted seem to be the same strain... they grew in the same way and the leaves look the same. But the fourth, the newest avocado, is totally different. It's growing much more slowly and the leaves and a different shape. I can't wait to see what it will look like when I get back from I-town.

Sad

I think my hard drive is dead. I'd backed up a lot of things, but there are some things that I'll definitely miss. I'm not giving up hope yet!

Also, if you're waiting for some screenshots or Fun-Paks, keep on waiting...

What, no devilsticks?

Things found under the back seat of the car, which I had to remove when I replaced the speakers:
* One playing card (9 of clubs)
* Two pogs! The benefits of a ten-year-old car are immense!
* One pair of gross sunglasses
* About 37 cents
* A sticky stain, hopefully from a reddish soda and not blood
* Pistachio shells (or some other type of nut detritus)
* A fake fingernail (DISGUSTING)

That Being Said

Right now, I'm in a terrible mood. I'm tired but can't sleep, I'm hungry, my computer's hard disk may be gone forever, my house is a goddamn pigsty and I smell like gasoline.

Reflection Eternal

Looking back, I can say that I've had a pretty good year. I think most people might not consider a year that contained a big break-up, a lay-off, a broken car, etc. etc. a good one, but I do. I'm very happy with how I am, how things are going generally, and on and on like that. Now back to the funny links!

Cool Dream (Two Parts)

Part One: Me and a friend from high school are at some kind of summit or something. This guy comes up to us and he says he's an astronaut from The Netherlands, and starts in on some big speech. My friend and I say to each-other that we have a great joke to tell about him when he leaves. Eventually he goes off somewhere and we both had the same joke: something about "How much higher could he get? He's from Amsterdam!"

Hey, what do you want? I was asleep!

Anyway, Part Two:
I think I'm awake in this part and I'm trying to figure out where I am. At first I'm like, "Prague? I live in Prague? Great!" then I realize it's not prague and after a few other locales (none of them Portland, Maine) I decide, "Oh well, I'm in Ireland. Could be worse."

I was disappointed when I actually woke up.

Two Totally Unrelated Things

First of all, Silk brand "egg" nog is surprisingly good. Second, why am I not surprised that Sarah Silverman will be on celebrity poker next week?

Hmm

Why am I not shocked?
The internet's sorting hat
guesses right again.

Short, terse, unfriendly, Yet sometimes quite emotive; I am the Haiku. What Poetry Form Are You?

Beautiful Artwork

And very suggestive, I might add. Link.

I Love It!

So funny: hearing Jon Stewart do a StrongBad impression on the Daily Show. Sure he claimed it was Saddam, but it was uncannily SB.

Wow

I don't know this dude but he sure did get to go to one awesome party.

Same game, new rules

In the heights of boredom waiting for a UPS package to get here so I can leave the house and get some coffee, I invented a new way to play Minesweeper:


My goal is just to open up a whole column vertically. It's total luck, and no skill. Level 2: a horizontal row!

Awesome Referrals!

Endlessly amusing... some ways people have gotten here have been by searching for Tory Ryden, Don Shula's 48 oz. steak club, photographs of BJ's Wholesale Club (sorry, none here) (also, yes, they really wanted pictures of the business), and, most confusing, "Top Ten Most Wanted Fugitives" + "Del Rio".

Wait, runner-up for most confusing: "Lance Tapley"... I have no clue who that might be. Oh, the journalist who posted a totally incomprehensible headline in our local Phoenix.

Clementastic!

The first one I had from this box was terrible, all dry and gross, but the one I'm enjoying right now is delicious. And seedless, too, so far!

Three Problems; Possibly Some Type Of Logic Puzzle

1. I think Sunday is trash day even though it isn't
2. I think every day is Sunday
3. I never take out the trash

It Feels Like At Least 45%

I'm only 40% aging hypocrite... how about you? Also, what's Sweetex? Crazy Brits.

I was looking back to see if you were looking back to see if you were...

So I was just watching a show that was some kind of highlight reel for DVDs that have been produced, and on the show they were showing what the content of the DVDs was, including things like behind-the-scenes footage etc. So was I watching the footage, or something that contained that footage, or a show about the methods of presenting that material? Maybe kids can figure out this many levels of abstraction, but I can't. To me, it's like the train is coming right out of the screen!

SHERATON COMMANDER

I think I want to have my wedding there.

The guests of honor will be the drunk woman from North Dakota and her husband, seemingly of Native American descent. Thanks to Liz T. for a fun evening!

Decisions, Decisions

Tomorrow I'm having a business lunch with a company that I freelanced for. Turns out, they still owe me quite a lot of money. So I'm trying to decide whether I should order the twin lobsters and the bottle of Cris... "Take advantage of me and I'll take advantage of you." Well, that probably won't happen. But I'm getting more than the cup of soup, that's for sure.

JLH in '08

This might hurt her chances. But our current president has done worse.

Eew

I get creeped out just reading about these guys. Also, I think I may have killed two of them with my shoes over the years.

Warning: if you want to sleep tonight, do not click here.

Things That Have Stopped Working Today

The furnace
My internet connection
My skin-care regimen

(2 out of the 3 are back online. Mr. Neutrogena, I'm shaking my fist at you!)

This Has To Stop

Last night I had a dream in the cinema verite style. All I remember about it was that there were no interviews, and the audience found out what was going on by listening to conversations. It was probably sparked by the other night when I was talking to that guy who made sculptures out of tinfoil. I remember asking him questions in a way that I thought would help move the story along and reveal stuff for the audience.

More Nasubi stuff

Link

Amazing

Just read it.

Stupidest Thing I Did Today (So Far)

"Hmm, I need to get the snow off of my car. Hey, what's this old, rusty, metal shovel doing? Will that be perfect for the job? Sure it will."

Ten scratches later, I realize that maybe this is not the best idea in the world.

But as a bonus I did have a fun new project: using touch-up paint to paint over the scratches. So far it looks worse than the scratches did, but I still need to add the clearcoat, which will have to wait until it's light out again.

Funny

Someone sent this to me, and I enjoy it:

Top 10 Most Emo Ways To Die/Injure Yourself
10. Hanging yourself with a scarf
9. Drowning in soy milk
8. Slicing your wrists with a 7"
7. Accidentally ingesting black hair dye or parts of a sharpie marker that was used to X your hands
6. Crashing into a tree while trying to read the band stickers on the car in front of you
5. Dehydration from tear loss
4. Getting your bangs caught in a record player
3. Getting attacked by an emu
2. Actually wearing your heart on your sleeve
1. Suffocating from wearing too many layers of v-neck sweaters

My personal favorite is #4.

And Another Thing I Hate

I understand that I'm in that tricky 18-to-26 (hmm) demographic, but those ridiculous Bridgestone commercials for tires will never work on me. Come on: if you're selling tires, you need to have a more convincing argument than "the wheel goes round". Maybe I could be friendster-friends with Bridgestone, that wouldn't surprise me. Or is Bridgestone already on to the next thing? That's how cool Bridgestone is.

Look, Portland

I know you're not the big city. I get it. I like it. But there's this thing you do that just, well, it drives me crazy. There, I said it. Why, oh why, do you have to repeat the news from a day ago? I understand there's no Maine Cable Network, and that your reporters would rather be home with their feet up. But, really, what good does yesterday's forecast do me today? I just saw "By noon on Saturday, the snow blah blah." It is useful, I guess, if I enjoy seeing how WRONG they were.

P.S. Boston readers, if you were wondering where perky anchorwoman Tory Ryden (formerly of FOX 25) went... yep, we got her! Oh yeah. Score 1 for Vacationland. In your face, Commonwealth! Maybe one day the elusive Naamua will be ours!

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Wicked Awesome!

This is the kind of stuff that needs to be brought to our attention all the time! Anyone But Bush in '04!

Wow!

Have you seen Harper's new web site? The Index section is really amazing... it could be used as a research tool, or for entertainment.

Rough Night, I Guess

When I woke up this morning I had marks in my palms from my fingernails, and huge bruises/cuts on my bottom lip from biting it. What up with that?

And now my contact lenses seem to have decided to make my vision really fuzzy. But other than that, I'm in a good mood!

Very Interesting Page

The whole page is full of interesting questions (with answers), but I'm intrigued by this one.

Is It Real Or Is It Junk Mail?

Subject: Wolves Threatened By Aerial Gunning

Hmm...

If the fattest team is the Marlins, and the shortest team is the Dodgers, what's the best team?

First Of All

Great, Blogger. Excellent work, erasing my post like that. Totally awesome.

Looking Forward To Pointless

I'm excited about Celebrity Poker on Bravo, coming soon (like in 15 minutes) but I know it will be a show that I'll just want to flip away from after 5 minutes, and then never watch again. I'm probably just hoping OutKast will be there, since Hey Ya! is in every ad.

Rots of Ruck Indeed

Mmm... offensive candy!

A Simpsons Bootleg Toy?!

The whole site is worth checking out. If you like funny things, anyway.

Mmm, week-old avocado

Maybe you can't tell in this picture, but in person it was some of the most disgusting mold I've ever seen. I threw it out into the back yard; I'll probably be invaded by spore-people within the week.

Why You Act Duh

Do you ever have a dream so stupid that you just wake up and say, "That was dumb!" Case in point: last night; something about finding matching socks, or someone else was wearing the same socks as me, or something incredibly boring and pedestrian (no joke intended) like that. And, no, I don't think it was a celebratory "Welcome to the Sox, Curt Schilling" dream.

(Coming soon, maybe: some thoughts on Thanksgiving.)