I can't wait

I'd just like you all to check out this 4-page preview. This was supposed to have come out in November, then December, then January.... But it looks like February is the month! I am really really excited.

I don't think I'd tell you even if I knew

I think they suspect I have some devious plans to teach my new horse to swim.

"Come on, Greg Louganis The Horse! Get those lap times down!"

They Better Be Aiming Those Suckers At The Moon!

I just got charged $35 to have my headlights aimed so that my car could pass inpsection. Dude, seriously? For $35 they better be aimed so well that I can see all the way over to Sweden to see why that's so expensive.

A Special Note For You Dyslexic Ice Cream Fans

Chocolate mint chip is not at all the same as mint chocolate chip.

Decisions, Decisions

So now I own avocadola.com (it was free with some weird deal) and I set up movabletype on it, mostly just to see if i could. So maybe I'll move this to avocadola.com... it would be easier to upload photos and stuff like that... and theoretically you can transfer blogger stuff to movabletype, so maybe I'll give it a shot.

Negative Reviews Of Fight Club on Netflix (and my reaction)

Movie is absolutely incredible until the very last scene. What happened? It made absolutely no sense.
Matt sez: What? It made no sense? The rest of the movie seemed completely plausible, but that last part wasn't realistic enough for you?

The violence was not excesive but it was abondant... [sic]
Matt sez: define these two words, reviewer.

Whatever, I'm tired. This wasn't as fun or funny as I thought it'd be.

Oh, Give Me A Break Already

So there's this commercial for Joe Lieberman on TV, and it starts with a clip of JFK saying "One day a Jew may be President", or whatever. Then we have a montage of his grandparents' humble upbringing in some way that makes it clear that they're Jewish, and then, finally, we get a clip of Lieberman himself saying something in an incredibly Yiddish way: "Is America a great country, or what?"

I Can't Believe Jesse James Sold Out

The Monster Garage guy, not the Wild West outlaw. But still.

Oops

I accidentally bought religious potato chips today.

The front was all old-timey and funny; it says something like, "See the funny story of these potato chips on the back!" So I bought them and hoped to be amused by a cute and apocryphal anecdote. Imagine my surprise when I got to read such hilarious gems as "AND JESUS CAME AND SPAKE UNTO THEM, SAYING, ALL POWER..." etc. etc.

And the potato chips aren't very good, regardless.

Avocado Alert!

Time to start guarding my green gold.

My Grandparents' Map Would Be All Red

create your own visited states map
or write about it on the open travel guide

Heh heh heh

Best thing about having a weblog? Being able to tell stories from it to people who don't know of its existence.

steady repetition is a compulsion mutually reinforced

Every Sunday, I think it's trash night.

Most Fridays, I think it's time to switch from one parent's house to the other.

Neither of those things has been true in a while.

Is It Another Squirrel?

It really sounds like there's a small animal trapped in my wall. I'll post updates as necessary.

I think I'd buy that product

From junk email:

cactus float ferdinand freed implicit

Words To Live By on Clay Aiken

Aw man, this is going to suck tremendously.

Good Ol' Will Hunting

I finally saw Good Will Hunting last night, but I think I missed something: what city was it supposed to be set in? It really could have been anywhere, I guess. I thought it looked like San Diego, but I could be wrong.

But seriously, how much did Dunkin Donuts pay to prove to all of us that Dunkin Donuts is popular in Boston? I did enjoy the tenth of a second where you can see 1 JFK St. in Harvard Square, and if I had a bigger TV maybe I could have seen who was working.

Funniest line: "It's not about you, you mathematical dick."

This is what i get when i only see the end of commercials...

"The Final Three Episodes Of Ed..."

I need more information!

But The Real Question Is, How Do You Spell It?

Personally, I go with "YEEEEAAAAARGH!" (may need more A's)

Also, I would like to add that I heard Dr. Dean give that 'speech' live on CNN and instantly thought, "Uh-oh."

Didn't Lauren Smartypants dream this?

Dorgi indeed.

Uh-Oh

When I woke up this morning, the tiny door of one of my tiny refrigerators was open... and not just slightly ajar, but gaping widely open. Now, the dilemma: do I throw out all that food? (All that food = a carton of milk and maybe some yogurts I was never going to eat, but still...)

Here's A Dream For Ya!

I was on the space shuttle; it was about to take off. (You can tell this is a dream, because it was going to take off like a plane, which is incorrect.) I was sitting in the front row of seats, like on the green line where you can see the track in front of you. I didn't know the pilot, but the co-pilot was Ian T. (later A.), who I was friends with in the Waldorf school, and not so much in high school when he was a drug addict. Anyway, his job seemed to mostly be to pull on this lever, kind of like the thing on a schoolbus that opens and closes the door. So, we're taking off (like a plane, remember) and before we're even off the ground, we crash into some parked cars. Everyone else on the shuttle (and there are quite a few passengers) is worried that they're going to die when the shuttle tumbles to he ground, but I am very cool and collected, and think that at the speed we're going, we'll be fine (and protected by the shuttle's insulated tiles).

When I woke up and I still thought it was real, I was sure GW Bush was going to use that failure as the final excuse to end the shuttle program.

The Funniest Play Ever

This morning just as the UPS guy was leaving, the mailman arrived! The UPS guy pretended to kick the mailman down the stairs, then they pretended to compete for my attention! It was so funny!

Fun, I Guess. Thanks to Lauren (not that one)

Bold the states you've been to. Italicize the state you're in. Underline the states you've lived in.

Alabama / Alaska / Arizona/ Arkansas/ California/ Colorado/ Connecticut/ Delaware/ Florida/ Georgia/ Hawaii/ Idaho/ Illinois/ Indiana/ Iowa / Kansas/ Kentucky/ Louisiana/ Maine/ Maryland/ Massachusetts/ Michigan/ Minnesota/ Mississippi/ Missouri/ Montana/ Nebraska/ Nevada/ New Hampshire/ New Jersey/ New Mexico/ New York/ North Carolina/ North Dakota/ Ohio/ Oklahoma/ Oregon/ Pennsylvania/ Rhode Island/ South Carolina/ South Dakota/ Tennessee/ Texas/ Utah/ Vermont/ Virginia/ Washington/ West Virginia/ Wisconsin/ Wyoming/ D.C

Is This A Problem?

I really have no idea what to eat for dinner tonight. And I'm really getting pretty annoyed that I have to come up with something to eat every day, a few times a day. It's so boring. And I clearly don't want to eat any of the things in my house. Hmm... maybe it's off to the convenience store for something really good for me.

Manchurian Candidate Update

Now I'm ten minutes in. Maybe a little more.

That Has To Be Some Kind of Record

I was watching a black-and-white movie last night (The Manchurian Candidate) and I fell asleep, I think, before the opening credts were even over. Well, at this rate, it'll only be another 2 months before I'm done with it.

I know Friends is passe, but...

...there may be nothing funnier than Monica vacuuming the vacuum.

Puzzles I'd Like To See

Can I buy an A?

Funny

Here's a "blog" that I think is really pretty funny. Especially when he stays away from Letterman-style jokes. And in honor of this link (although mine's not as funny):
Five Materials Used in the Construction of My Desk (incomplete)
Oak Tag
Saw Horses
Spray Paint
Double-sided Tape
Door

Hey, I live near there!

A Portland Maine photo blog. Pretty nice stuff.

Video Store Worries

I was looking for a movie, and I asked the clerk. He told me it was in the "Very Strange Movies" section. I hadn't checked there, because I thought it would be reserved for movies like "I Married Satan" and "Midgets '85!". They were there, but also a lot of, if you ask me, Very Normal Movies. Ghost World was there, Nurse Betty was there. (What I wanted to get, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, would have been there if it was anywhere.)

Ouch

There's something heartbreaking about listening to KCRW and hearing them say "high in the mid-70's today". Today in the frozen north it might -- MIGHT -- get up to zero today.

Could This Be A Whole New Blog?

Thing I Have Dropped On The Floor and Eaten Today
Steak
Ice Cream

Some Poetry, Thanks To Ed

Toby (Jim Gaffigan) presents:

He's got a five-dollar haircut
and a 2 dollar smile
if he were a tv channel i'd ask, "Can somebody please change the dial?"
tall dark and handsome
more like gangly
not dark, a bum
"I own a bowling alley, I'm a lawyer
I'm a bowling alley lawyer
I'm just so darn quirky and eccentric and fun
Hurray for me! I'm a jerk!"
Who cares?
And what's with the grin?
Hey, newsflash, Jack Nicholson got the part, joker!

Netflix, You've Done It Again!

I never have movie recommendations. But I just got done watching Human Nature, and I loved it! It was so funny, and so good, and so well-written. And I don't know another movie where you'll see mice use salad forks properly.

Why, I Wonder?

I just (after six months) got a few more pictures of me from when I was in Europe; a friend of mine sent them to me. (cf. my new Friendster picture.) It's introduced a puzzling phenomenon to me: I look pretty good in almost all of the pictures from Europe, defnitely a much higher percentage than usual, and of any series of events before or since. And I wonder why? I was tanner and in better shape, that might have been part of it, I guess.

Whatever, internet.

GeoURL

Argh

I have this tiny project I just got handed that should be a lot of fun: creating a slideshow, basically, of patriotic images that go along to some cheesy 80's song. I just submitted it to the guy I'm working for and got critiqued kind of harshly. I thought what I had was pretty good, but I guess he thought differently. Now I don't want to keep working on it, even though I have to. I can admit to myself and others that design isn't my strong suit; I shouldn't be that offended that I can't do something that I'm not particularly good at. I need to stop procrastinating (read: posting) and get back to work. Okay... now!

Breaking My Ban On Brunch Blogging

This morning I had a lovely brunch with some great people. I know it was advertised as being all about the donuts, but for me the fried egg sandwich was the surprise hit of the day.

I'm sorry you're dyslexic, but do you really need to try to scam me?

This message was sennt by the Online-Citibank sevrers to veerify your email
adderss. You must coemtple this pcersos by clicking on the link
below and enntering in the little window your Citbiank Debit
Card Number and PiN that you use on local Atm.
That is donne for your ptercotion -p- becaurse some of our memebrs no
logenr have access to their email addeessrs and we must verify it.

This is not a news story

Link (CNN, sorry.)

What Am I Doing Hangin' Around Here, Then?

I was just searching on easyJet, and a flight from Prague to London is less than £1!
99 pence to fly from one country to another? Crazy. The flight the other way is 25 times more expensive -- £25!

Notes

From the document I've been using to take notes:


* failed mousing

punctuated equilibrium

cheese & herb – mozz & asiago
homemade sausage w/ stuff
sundried tomato flatbread – onions, other stuff

w. sauce:
pepp. w/mushroom
jay’s heart: mozz, asiago, herbs
casco bay: onions, mushrooms

timeout 15secs
balloon as prop on “click anywhere”

Not Fooling Anybody

They don't have any pictures of the local bagel store in Ithaca that took over a Dunkin Donuts, but it's all that funny.

Triptych

A clip-art search for "Internet":

Who Are You Kidding?

Having specialty programming on The Travel Channel called "Vegas Week" is like having shows on MTV called "Too Much Advertising Week", or on the Discovery Channel called "Dudes and Motorcycles Week". Every show on The Travel Channel is already about Las Vegas; how can they possibly fit more in there?

I Remember When...

Okay. This is very post-event, but a recent dream prompted me to write about it. Before Christmas, I went to a Yankee Gift Swap (AKA White Elephant, AKA Disappointment Salad, AKA Chinese Lottery (ok, i made that one up)). It was my first one so I didn't really understand how it worked. In fact, I'm still a little fuzzy on the details, but that's neither here nor there. Anyway, the first person to open a gift opened this amazing thing -- a light-up goose that had been decorated with some colored saran wrap. I admit that in retrospect it doesn't sound so great, but at the time, I desired it. So I made up my mind that when my turn came, I'd steal the hell out of that goose. And I did. I loved that goose -- I already had a name picked out for it (I can't remember now; poss. "Little Scotchy"), I was staring deeply into his eyes, etc. Everybody else picked out their gifts, and I was almost home free. The only person who could come between me and my goose was the first person -- the person who I had stolen it from originally (see? these rules are impenetrable!). And, so, inevitably, he stole my goose away from me. Sure he was going to put it in his unborn baby's nursery, but he kept calling it a duck, which it definitely was NOT. I was so sad. Sure, the gift card I ended up with is more practical, but it doesn't glow with an inner light.

Whoa

I really hadn't posted an entry here since Saturday morning? Crazy. Well, I have started working again for the company that I did a lot of work for in the fall. Also, not too much going on that warrants an item here.

sl

recently I've been enjoying this photo weblog.

Alls I'm Sayin'

Girls is complicated, yo.

Don't Worry, Sir, He Told Me Everything He Knew

I can see that ad for ca.com where the guy hits his head on the filing cabinet (and then his buddy slips and hits his head on the table) a thousand times in a row and I guarantee I would still laugh every time!

What Were You Thinking?

There's this restaurant around the corner from me named "Uffal". Here are some reasons this is a terrible name:
* only one letter away from 'offal'
* only two letters away from 'buffalo'
* those two letters are 'B.O.'
* rhymes with 'awful', at least in my head.

If Only I Was Learning Spanish

Since I've come back, I've really felt like I'm in Jan Term at college... and I really liked Jan Term. So far, I've had a pretty good one!

Oh, NPR, You've Done It Again

This story... so stupid.

Clean Sweep

You know it's time to wash your dishes when you're enjoying a bowl of bagels.