Hello from Maine. Portland, Maine. Matt's apartment.

Although I'm here most of the time. I've had a very fun 24 hours... went out for some drinks with a new friendster last night, and had a great time birdwatching with Liz T this morning. Recommended: brunch at Local 188; breaking ice with other ice; finding the train station on the first try.

Very interesting

I was just reading about how a 700 game in Scrabble is as uncommon as an unassisted triple play in baseball. Hmm, I wondered. What is that? Well, it's a good thing the internet was there to help. Click here to find out -- but if I were you I'd spend some time thinking about how it could happen first. Could the pitcher do it? What about an outfielder? See if you can figure it out!


Whoa, too much time making kids' games!

Right Around the Corner

It was a nice day out so I decided I'd walk around. Right around the corner from my house (in the heart of Longfellow Square) was a used book store I'd never been into, since it looked kind of boring. Well, today I decided to go in and I got a great find: all 3 of the Edward Tufte books for only $40! Usually they cost around $45 each! This has made my day; I can't wait to have a free span of ten years so I can read them!

I seriously don't care about Friends, but... Mark?!

Also I think Howard Dean is obsessed with me, he keeps sending me emails.

Funny

Donald Rumsfeld's Fighting Style...

Funniest Thing I've Heard All Day

Hearing an old New England guy say and then spell the word "gander". Here's a phonetic approximation:
"Gandah": "G-A-N-D-EE-AAAHHHr"

Funny Dream

I was flying home from London and I got to sit next to a cute girl. Suddenly we noticed that sitting in front of us was the youngest Seaver boy from Growing Pains. I asked him if he was that guy, and he said, "That's the second time today I've been asked that, but no, I'm not." Even though clearly he was. So I asked the pilot if it was he, and the pilot said it was.

Maybe It's A Good Thing I've Never Worked at a Successful Company

"The most famous IPO story is that of Dennis Barnhart, the Eagle Computer CEO who, on the day his company went public in 1983, went to a celebratory lunch with his yacht dealer, then pointed his new Ferrari toward home - only to crash to his death off a hillside in Los Gatos, California."
Link.

Thanks, Amazon

You've previously signed up to be notified when "" () became available, and we're happy to inform you that it is now available to pre-order!

Yeah!

Is this the funniest commercial ever? No, but it's up there.

I am? Well, if I am, I'm not that cover, that's for sure.

You're The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe!

by C.S. Lewis

You were just looking for some decent clothes when everything changed
quite dramatically. For the better or for the worse, it is still hard to tell. Now it
seems like winter will never end and you feel cursed. Soon there will be an epic
struggle between two forces in your life and you are very concerned about a betrayal
that could turn the balance. If this makes it sound like you're re-enacting Christian
theological events, that may or may not be coincidence. When in doubt, put your trust
in zoo animals.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Sleepin' Sickness

Last night in the middle of the night, I woke myself up by scratching some very distinctive bugbights, one on my arm, and one on my back. It took me a long time to get back to sleep because I was scared that bugs were biting me. But now, in the warm light of day, there are no bugbites on me anywhere. Did I dream a bugbite? Very creepy. Is this a classic anxiety dream or is my apartment full of insects?

In between eating dinner and fixing bugs

I found a great hip-hop show on the local college radio station. I was worried that it would be like the hip-hop show on the college radio station in Ithaca that was incapable of distinguishing between, say, Ma$e and Mos. But so far so good on 104.1!

Stupid Magazine Quotes, 2004 Edition

"If the X marking [Sofia] Coppola and Tarantino's generation stands for a crossroads, then one director maintains the status quo and the other emerges as America's first great female director."

Hmm, don't keep us in suspense... do you think it's Sofia Coppola that's maintaining the status quo? It's all so mysterious!

Sandwich Update

The mayonnaise was very chipotley. I make a good sandwich, if I do say so myself!

Not my idea of a good time

I decided to try a new place for lunch today. So I went to "Gravity" (Portland's Original Sandwich Shop) (a highly dubious claim). I was expecting some hippies, or possibly hipsters, to be standing by to make me a sub, although I would have settled for a sandwich on a panini. But, it's not that kind of place. The scene I was greeted with would have been reminiscent of a high school cafeteria, if I had had one. I had the great opportunity to make my own sandwich, choosing from such exotic items as green peppers, tomatoes, oh! and two kinds of mayo, and all for the low low price of $6 per pound of sandwich. Here's my new policy: if I have to assemble my meal, you're paying me. Goddamn sandwiches.

Two Short Items

1. I bet there aren't that many people who have the simultaneous urge to hear both an Alison Krauss and a Jay-Z song.

2. I should have gone to bed during the brief window of time when I wasn't hungry.

Avocado Update

Spot the fake smiles

I got 19 out of 20, and I'm not even British! Click it up, clicky.

Look, TV

Quit advertising for shows I have no capability to receive, yet want to watch. For the last time, I don't get BBC America; stop trying to get me to watch "The Office".

Can Feet Tell The Difference?

This man is about to put on one freshly laundered sock and one that he found under the bed or something. Can he discern between pristine and filthy? Can he tell clean from dirty? (Drum roll....)

NO! He can't tell! Tada!

Well, at least I amuse myself.

Grrrr

I know it's part of my job, but I hate fixing bugs in stuff. Especially when it was someone else's mistake in the first place, or when I built something according to the spec and now it's being changed arbitrarily. Oh well.

More, uh, intensity

Translation from Lost In Translation; very interesting/funny.

Better With No Context

"Dave chats with Stephanie about a (supposed) incident that occurred over the weekend; Alan makes a suggestive offer to Secretary of Labor Elaine L. Chao; Al Franken promotes his new book."

But if you must...

It's time to face facts

I'm probably not going to get a lot of dates by knowing when a period is suppoed to fall within parentheses and when it's not. (The rule is that if it's a full sentence, the punctuation goes inside.) Otherwise, that isn't where it goes at.

Who Lives in a Pineapple, on the wrong side of the tracks?

Hi, I'm Gorbulas. Gorbulas Burrows. Where are you going, ladies?

Thanks (I think) to Liz for this Hobbit name generator. There's also an elf one, where I am Angrod Sáralondë. Word.

Letterman Surprises, 2004

Eve is on the show and doesn't rap.

SHUT UP. SERIOUSLY. JUST SHUT UP.

It might be the terrible headache, but I get no amusement from this article.

There is nothing that cannot be broken!

Things like this are really the reason I have a weblog. Please watch! That site has a lot of other Japanese animations that will make your head explode! This one is particularly good if you like seeing ASCII text cats playing the part of Jesus on the cross (I think).

What is a Pepsi Barge dot com

Pepsi Barge, Pepsi Barge, Pepsi Barge
Pepsi Barge with Lemon

Anything to get more hits!
But what is a Pepsi Barge? And why would people search for it?

Caucus = Awesome

I'm too tired from it to post coherently about it, and I have some mixed feelings, but all in all it was an amazing experience! About 300 times longer than voting in a primary, but on the other hand you don't get to meet girls in a primary!

"It's the year 3030..."

I think what I really want is a website that will tell me the source of every sample in every hip-hop song, ever. If any of you run such a site, please let me know.

We live in a very strange world

Messages from my cream cheese wrapper:

There's always room to express yourself.
Find something that helps you slip into relaxation.

Lame

Reading the fan reviews of Ed is, predictably, a pointless waste of time. There are people who think there was too much vulgarity, people who cluelessly don't get it at all, and pompous jerks. But the funniest really has to be the people who were disappointed with the last episode because of all the "sleaze". Fishman writes: "Sorry to read that there will be bachelor and bachelorette parties on Ed. I saw a trailer of [this episode] the other day, and it was crude. I hoped the show would stay above that. I`m not a prude, but even our show has to go out in a blaze of sleaze it seems." Also people who weren't big fans because they don't tape things and they go to church on Wednesdays. Sheesh. At least if I'm ever hanging out with Operation Rescue I'll have something to talk about.

I call this piece "Thanks for blocking my driveway, asshole."

Gunther fury

Subject line of a junk email. I don't want to think about Gunther in a fury.

Bon Voyage, You Sweet Goofy Bastard

So tonight was the last episode of Ed... ever. Also one of the funniest. Also, one of the saddest. I was fine with it until they played My Little Corner Of The World from I Can Hear The Heart Beating As One.

But there were some hilarious moments of misdirection: we all thought Molly might sail off into the sunset with the radiator repair man until he said, "I'm a homosexual." And then, maybe, just maybe, Phil and/or the cripple would win the lottery. But no!

All in all, I'm very content with Ed ending. It hasn't been funny in a long time, but yet I was compelled to watch it. If every episode this season had been as good as tonight's I'd be sad it was leaving. But, clearly, Ed & Carol's wedding is the natural end of the series; they should have quit while they were ahead years ago. At least they're not dragging it out pointlessly (cough Friends cough).

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is my treatise on the fine television programming of NBC.

Del = Crazy

Del (Deltron Zero, Del Tha Funkee etc.), is, I think, insane. But I love it! I used to just get annoyed by his voice, but now I'm a big fan. But he's crazy; not too many other rappers talk about hijacking mechs and how, in 2050, cryogenics will only be like fifty bucks.

200 Cigarettes (the movie)

An odd set of coincidences: it's like the 3rd netflix in a row that has Ben Affleck in it. Also it features two of the same songs as Lost In Translation. Also, is anyone funnier than Dave Chapelle?

...when he pulled you over? we need context here, pal. - Lauren K.

yep, that's the context, all right. i was "driving erratically" (there's no OTHER way to drive in portland!) and the next thing I know, I see flashing lights in my mirror. So I pull over, of course. This cop comes up to me and he asks for my license etc. Clearly he thinks I'm drunk... he makes me get out of the car and do these stupid tests, like following a pen with my eyes, or standing on one leg, or walking heel-toe in a straight line. So I guess I failed those tests (I should have told him that I probably can't do those things under any circumstances), because I have to go into his van and hang out with him while the breathalyzer machine warms up. So after 15 minutes I take the test (the machine's name was Intoxilyzer, which I think is funny -- is it a knock-off of the actual?) and I'm waaaay under the limit (my BAC was only 0.02, and the limit is 0.08; if it had been .05 to .07, I wouldn't have been arrested). I was actually pretty worried because I had had a few drinks, and I hadn't had much dinner. But it turned out okay, and he didn't even give me a ticket for driving poorly or anything, which I was pretty sure he was going to regardless. The cop was actually really nice... he could have been Dan Wirth's brother.

I should add that, clearly, based on scientific results and my own senses, I was fine to drive the whole time, and that I would never drive anywhere if I felt that I couldn't. The lesson I've learned from this experience is that I should stop for 4-way stops and not cut off unmarked police vans. Or maybe the lesson is that I should try and pay attention to which lane is the turn-only lane and which is the straight-ahead lane. Or is the moral that I can have 4 drinks in 3 hours and get away with it? Wait, that's not it!

Funniest Thing I Have Said To A Police Officer (2004 Edition)

"It would take a lot more than three drinks to get me to do karaoke."

Watching Lost In Translation

It reminded me of this summer when I was at a party run by the Russian mafia on a boat in Berlin talking to a South Korean girl. She was an art student and I was asking her if she knew anything about my (new) favorite artist, Sol Lewitt. All she said was "Oh! Minimalist!"

Tiny Dogs Hate Modern Nonfiction

Gizmo the dog and Salt the book

On an unrelated topic

"You buy the premise, you buy the bit" will now be stuck in my head for another four years. Thanks, Paul.

I will say this

I think Helena Bonham Carter (or HBC as Brad Pitt calls her "cleverly" on the Fight Club commentary track) looks like the cute girl at the coffee shop in Portland.

Wow

Big Fish.

Wow.

It's beautiful, it's fantastic, i can't even say how good it is because i don't want to define it. just go see it.

And they say I never post anything personal here

My deodorant definitely doesn't work. I seem to have to change brands every couple of months, and I think I've already gone through all of the good ones. Does this happen to everyone? Is my body now 95% aluminum zirconium tetrachlorohydrex?
(actual ingredient, by the way.)

Was it Conan?

So, okay. Today at brunch, first we some some guy who looked like Peter Fonda in Easy Rider (I thought it was Dennis Hopper at the time but I was wrong). Then we noticed a woman wearing a Conan O'Brien jacket. Standing next to her was a tall-ish redhaired-ish guy, also wearing a Conan jacket. Maye it was Conan, maybe it wasn't. If it wasn't Conan O'Brien, it was his relative... Cousin O'Brien. I still kind of think it was him. But I also don't. Can anyone on the internet confirm Conan's location this morning circa 10:30?

The more I think about it, the less likely it is that it was COB. For example, there was no wife and no baby, and he wasn't really tall enough, and his teeth weren't that great. But then again, this could be what he looks like sans makeup.

Is this what the kids call "Anti-social"?

I just got back from Boston, and I had a great time. I mean, really, extra-good, great. Fun times with Lauren and a great party and brunch at Cedar & Dan's. So, the problem is, and let me put this delicately: after being with people who are some of my best, closest friends, I'm not so into trying to foster new ones. I mean, don't get me wrong: it's all good and fun, and I enjoy spending time with everyone I spend time with.

Hmm. On the articulacy scale, me not good.